Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 1/12/2007

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Wow, it was really difficult deciding what to pen this piece about this week. In fact, it took me as long to ponder this as it took Mayor America to nix the existence of his kids from his second marriage from his presidential exploratory committee website. In other words, two seconds. He also left out his first wife, who was also his second cousin (really). That last one I don't get. I'd have thought marrying a cousin would appeal to the GOP base.

Yet, what I really want to talk about is that craven, bed-wetting, Quayle-level competent, self-indulgent, Wonder Bread, little frat-brat. You may know him as George Bush. To all those conservatives, Independents, conservative Democrats and members of the Free Society of Teutonia who voted for him, who now realize how dangerously stupid and stupidly dangerous he is, I say welcome to the party.

But I'm sorry, I can't help but say this very plainly: What the hell took you so long? Why was it so hard in 2000 to see this man's utter lack of accomplishment, his past playing a less charming, cerebrum-lesioned version of Dean Martin in the rat pack--who wasted most of the time on various potions and powders while dodging the draft, getting in mano e manos with dear old dad and running business after business into the very ground where he couldn't find oil if he were Jed Clampett hanging out with the Getty family.

Who didn't see that interview where he couldn't name the President of India, the speech where he thought Social Security wasn't a federal program and read stories of his playing video golf for hours each day as governor of Texas?

Yeah, but we were told, he would be a great guy to have a beer with! Of course he would, he's a goddamn drunk.

The man was also a male cheerleader. I mean c'mon! Here's one for you--give me an F! Give me a U! Give me a C! Give me a K! Give me a U! Give me a P! What's that spell!?!

So now, because so many people couldn't see what was right in front of their faces (with an assist from Democratic "consultants"), we have this walking-almost-talking intellectual colostomy bag finding ways to start wars with Syria and Iran, when he can't even win the one he already committed high crimes & misdeameanors to get us into.

Start a war with Iran, and a thousand attacks will bloom from Hezbollah cells around the world. I'm sure John Ashcroft has already stopped flying commercial again.

If this man ignores Congress, and does go to war with Iran, it is very simple. He must be dragged kicking and screaming from the White House like he's Ted Haggard being pulled away from an episode of Queer as Folk, or Condi from Monday Night Football.