TSA bans cream cheese, unless it’s on a bagel, then it’s okay (seriously)

God, I hope they ban Boursin too. I got sick on that stuff once when I was 19 and OD'd on it. Don't you tell me that it's not dangerous. Anyway, so cream cheese is now a dangerous weapon, unless it's spread on a bagel. And last week we learned that cupcakes are super duper dangerous. (And forget about cupcakes with cream cheese filling).

My luggage from my last
trip, left unzipped by TSA.

All of which has me wondering. If TSA can't even manage to zip my bag closed after they inspect it nearly every single time I fly from Chicago to Washington, DC - like this past Friday, when the bozos left the zipper open 24 inches worth, with clothes sticking out. Apparently, it takes a PhD for a TSA agent to figure out that leaving a zipper 24 inches unzipped is a bad thing. And this happens to me a lot on that leg from Chicago to DC. It's almost always left unzipped some amount, but this was the second time that two feet of my zipper was unzipped and clothes were starting to come up.  Who do I call?  There's no accountability.

So, if TSA can't manage to hire people who understand the basic concept of how a zipper works, or who are so lazy that they just don't care whether they lose the traveling public's personal belongings, how are they going to figure out who's a terrorist?