It's time to pick a new name for Texas

As you know, Texas is now talking about seceding from the Union. Tom Delay, the former House Majority Leader who lost his job after being exposed as a criminal, is suggesting that Texas split into five separate states (which he says Texas is permitted to do), and then Democrats in Washington would be so incensed by the notion of ten new Texas Senators coming to DC that they'd kick Texas out of the Union.

My friend Chris has a great idea. Let's welcome dividing Texas up. It will be the biggest gerrymander in the history of the country. And along those lines, what should we call the five new Texas states, or five new Texas countries? What do you think? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, but you have to register with a real email address (it's the only way to stop the crazies, sorry).

More from Chris:

You know, the weird thing is that Delay’s right about Texas having joined the Union with permission to divide itself into as many as five states if it chose to do so.

I actually wouldn’t have a problem with it – but oh the games one could play with drawing the boundaries. It could be the most epic gerrymander in history. The area around Austin could potentially be a liberal Nirvana.

And, honestly, one of the biggest barriers to statehood for D.C. and Puerto Rico has been the fact that we’ve been stuck on a round number of states for 50 years. LOL.

So, what the heck? Let’s split Texas into five states (West Louisiana, South Oklahoma, East New Mexico, Nirvana, and Hell – the last of which would be Houston or wherever Tom Delay is living at the time).

And actually, that suggests the idea of a naming contest for the five Balkanized states of the former Republic of Texas.

So that gets us to 54. Then we could add Puerto Rico, D.C., the Virgin Islands, the Northern Marianas, American Samoa and Guam.

Which puts us at 60 – another nice round number that will make us feel all warm and fuzzy again.

Palau, of course, is completely screwed in this scenario, since they’d be 61, but if you want to make an omelet….

You have Chris' suggestions above for the new names of the five balkanized states of Texas. He of course left out Jesustan.