If John Roberts Were Running For President...

John Roberts: Hi, I'd like to be President of the United States.

American people: Wonderful! You seem like an intelligent and nice guy. What's your foreign policy?

Roberts: Well, gee, I don't think that's appropriate to talk about before I become President.

America: Oh. Well, what's your domestic policy?

Roberts: Again, I think you should just trust me. I'll do the right thing.

America: Uh, well, how will you continue the war on terror? Do you think our ports and and coastlines and borders are safe enough?

Roberts: That's exactly the sort of issue I'll be tackling as President, so that's exactly the sort of issue I can't comment on. I can't predict the future you know, so don't ask me what I might do somewhere down the road.

America: Well, do you think Bush has done a good job handling the post-war occupation of Iraq?

Roberts: I have no opinion on that. Just vote for me, can't you?

America: What about abortion?

Roberts: WOAHHHH!!!!! Now you're getting OBSTRUCTIONIST! I'm not gonna stand for that sort of questioning.

(Roberts storms out and, strangely, gets voted President anyway.)