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Funniest thing I've read in years

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UPDATE: I want to know legally what WE can do to shut this company down. This is false advertising on its face. What are the federal regs, FCC rules, should we pressure the companies involved to sue these guys? (They're clearly leaving them alone because they're religious right.)

This is from a real ABC News piece about religious right hate groups telemarketing homophobia to push their new "Christian" phone service (you can listen to the actual recordings he made on his Web site here):

The newest battle in the culture wars is being waged on the telephone lines. In a departure from the standard telemarketing calls aimed at selling long distance service, United American Technology has taken telemarketing to a whole new level.

The Oklahoma-based long distance carrier, which describes itself as a Christian conservative company, is seeking like-minded customers by bad-mouthing bigger rivals for their "sinful" behavior.

"Our base, which would be a conservative base, really does not like the same-sex marriage that has been pushed down our throat," UAT consultant Carl Thompson told ABC News....

But some say UAT takes its politics too far. New York City comedian Eugene Mirman was so astonished by a UAT call he received, he recorded it. Mirman believes he was contacted — as something of a joke — because he donated $51 to the 1996 presidential campaign of Republican Alan Keyes.

"I got a phone call," Mirman said. "It was a recording and it said: 'Hi, I'm the mother of three, and I don't support gay marriage. If you don't support gay marriage press one.' I have something hooked up to my phone to record phone calls, and so I scrambled and found it … Every time they would call, I would record it because it was crazy."

In one of the "crazy" exchanges he recorded, the telemarketer starts her sales pitch by asking about Mirman's stance on same-sex marriage:

UAT TELEMARKETER: OK. Eugene, did you press 1 to oppose same sex marriages?

MIRMAN: Oh, I pressed it, yes.

UAT: OK, that's great to hear. Now are you against same-sex marriages?

MIRMAN:: Well I want to destroy it, yes.

UAT: OK, that's great to hear. And Eugene -

MIRMAN: With the fist of God, we will smash them!

UAT: Exactly. Uh, Mr. Mirman, our organization is dedicated to people such as yourself who want to stop same-sex marriages and to quit doing business with companies that promote and profit from the homosexual lifestyle.

MIRMAN: Some companies profit from homosexuality?

UAT: That's correct.

MIRMAN: By selling sex favors?

UAT: No. Such as AT&T, what they do …

MIRMAN: AT&T sells sex favors?

UAT: No, no. What it is is they own the Hot Network, which is a hardcore pornography channel … They also give millions of dollars to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance group....

MIRMAN: So what about the others? What does Verizon do?

UAT: OK, Verizon. What they do is they train their employees to accept a gay and lesbian lifestyle.

MIRMAN: They try to turn their employees gay?!

UAT: No, no. They train their employees to accept it.

UAT: UAT, Mr. Mirman, is the only carrier that is taking an active stand against same-sex marriages and hardcore child pornography.

MIRMAN: I think all child pornography is hardcore … It's all wrong. AT&T sponsors child pornography?

UAT: No, no. That's MCI.

MIRMAN: MCI sponsors hardcore child pornography?

UAT: Yes, they have a pedophile Web site for men who love boys. Uh, it's a Montreal-based Web site.

MIRMAN: Oh my God! Our Canadian pervert neighbors!

UAT: Mmm hmm.

MIRMAN: So MCI basically has a child pornography ring.

UAT: That's correct....

MIRMAN: Basically God hates AT&T, MCI, and Verizon.

UAT: (pause) Yes. And, Mr. Mirman, do you make a lot of long distance calls or just a few every month?

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