Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 5/25/07

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Thankfully, there was no Republican presidential debate this past week, giving John McCain time to plan his next casual stroll through what has become very unfamiliar territory, the Senate floor to actually cast a vote. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney openly pontificated his love of gayness, although ideally he'd like to outlaw it, and Rudy Giuliani had time to cleanse his intestines after the recent revelations of his role as a happy-go-lucky Oxycontin drug mule writ large.

But the rest of that crazy crew we've grown to love, the GOP, was up to their old tricks--not in a Randall Tobias kind of way--adding to the global warming problem with the methane shooting out of their pie holes. And sadly, many a Democrat joined them this week.

So what did we learn class? Well, that:

1) Being a Republican means you think gay marriage and abortion should be outlawed in South Dakota, but being a 49-year old playing doctor with your foster children somehow shouldn't qualify you to be a human shield in Najaf.

2) Being a Republican means you're allowed to be proud of your lesbian daughter's baby, and unlike everyone else who exercises the same rights you have, you'll actually be able to avoid the requisite warrantless wiretapping for moral crimes and subversion.

3) Being a Republican means you can look like Tanya Harding's trashier, theocratic twin, speak with the verbal dexterity of Jessica Simpson and possess the wisdom of a Bush twin post-Jagermeister body shots and still get to make decisions that impact the entire "Justice" Department.

4) Being a Republican means you get to vote in whatever precinct you want, because you're Ann Coulter, you didn't "abstain" with your friendly FBI agent and your Adam's Apple probably resides in another precinct anyhow.

5) Finally, being Republican and sadly in many cases a Democrat means you still choose to support a war and a befuddled lunatic in the White House whose combined approval ratings barely surpass those of David Koresh (let's face it, birds are publicly crapping on the President these days). But you do represent the will of the people, or just keep telling yourself that until primary season begins.

For more go to the usual spot, cliffschecter.com