Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 5/11/07

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

This week once again proved that being a Republican means never having to say you're sorry. Whether you're The World Bank Madame, Paul Wolfowitz, still hanging onto your job by the tip of your saliva-crusted comb, an Attorney General so profoundly stupid that people are privately whispering Harrier Miers should have gotten the job or some idiot Texas Congressman quoting the founder of the Ku Klux Klan regarding the War in Iraq. Yeah, I know, I don't even have to make a joke about that last one.

Here's what else I discovered:

1) Being a Republican means you must "hate" the abortion but love the provider. It turns out Mayor Mobster-Lover and the wife he dumped on network TV gave to Planned Parenthood. As did Mrs. Romney. Oops. Kinda hurts that back story about being "personally opposed to abortion."

Meanwhile, John McCain, Sam Brownback and Fred Thompson have also flip-flopped on this issue, meaning for the National Right To Life Committee to find someone they can rely on--beyond this clique of mealy-mouthed circus clowns running for the GOP nomination--they're going to have to hope a strong whiff of embalming fluid and a promise to bring back the Three-Fifth's Compromise might just get Jesse Helms to jump into the race.

2) Being a Republican means that you're actually now motivating generals to retire so that they can do commercials pointing out your war policy sucks more than Dick Morris in a room full of Brit Hume's toes.

3) Being a Republican means that you have to create your own version of YouTube that will inevitably be hysterial, even though it's going to take more work than it did to get Mary Cheney pregnant (how DID she get pregnant?) to find anyone on your side who can come up with something remotely amusing.

4) Being a Republican means you probably voted for George W. Bush. Which means your only hope for emotional salvation is getting bitten by one of these squirrels and hoping you go quickly into that goodnight.

** Sorry a bit short my friends, manuscript due on June 1.