Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 10/06/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Just wondering if there are any Republicans who are at this point not under investigation for massive corruption, criminal cover ups or perhaps just thinking 16-year old boys whose friends are in “great shape” are the logical choices with which to establish cyber-pen pal relations? But hey, alcoholism and touchy-feely priests have been known to turn a perfectly normal man into Mr. Measure It.

Or maybe it’s just that the true story here is you’ll find more scruples in the Gambini residence than the Republican Caucus.

I mean c’mon, you have a parade of legislators who believe that holding onto power is more important than preventing one of their own from holding onto his crank during voting sessions.

Not just should Reps. Denny Hastert, Tom Reynolds, John Shimkus, Rodney Alexander and John Boehner immediately resign and crawl back into that pus-filled, scurvied hole from wence they came. But Heather Wilson, Sue Kelly and any other Republican even remotely involved with the page program on the Republican side should come clean right now--although for them that might involve a good steam-cleaning and delousing.

And is anybody else starting to see a pattern here?

You may remember that Frank Figueroa, special agent in charge of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Tampa–who was in command of Operation Predator, the agency's program to arrest child predators–was charged with walking up to a 16-year-old girl in a mall, pulling up his pant leg and masturbating for 10 minutes.

I mean I do understand the Kung Pow Chicken in the food court can get pretty exciting. And really, who hasn’t looked at the mannequins in The Gap and thought to themselves, maybe I need some me time in the fitting room for a few minutes?

And then there was the case of DHS Deputy Press Secretary Brian Doyle. He liked to pick up 13-year olds on that series of tubes Senator Ted Stevens warned us about. I mean seriously folks, you just can’t make this crap up.

George Bush is shockingly standing by his man Denny, who's rubber stamped an entire agenda that is to good governance what Barbara Bush is to a silky epidermis. And who has time to read the facts of this case, when the president is busy digesting those “couple Shakespeares” and the newly released My Pet Goat II: This Time I’ll React When We’re Attacked.

And what makes this all complete? Why it’s Fox’s tenth birthday, so we can look back at what journalism has become with the likes of that moronic, white-supremacist-loving, blow-dried, rhesus-monkey known as Sean Hannity, trying to blame Bill Clinton for Republican pedophilia. Nice try Seany-boy.

Maybe just for kicks Sean, you can tell us again how Jeff Gannon is a “terrific…White House Correspondent.” Ok buddy, whatever your hair says.

And to think GM just made this jackass a spokesman for the company. You might want to think about that when next purchasing an automobile.

In any case, I think we need to set up pool. Whoever guesses next Republican occurrence of law-breaking wins the prize. I mean there are so many possibilities for them to break new ground. For example, a deer’s head could be stuffed into the mailbox of an African-American family. Oh…right, they covered that already.

I don’t think necrophilia has yet been discovered among the GOP, however.

Although you might want to check with Henry Hyde’s wife on that one.


Mandatory Plugs:

My new blog, to be updated as often as possible.

My two recent MSNBC appearances, here and here, if you haven't already seen them.

This week's episode of Republican Sexcapades on The Young Turks on Air America

My HuffPost piece about standing up the to the loud imbecilic voices of the right.