The Path to Mickey

UPDATE: Don't miss "The Path to Mickey, the movie" - now live.)

(Disclaimer: The following blog post is a dramatization that is drawn from a variety of sources including actual historical photos and other published materials. The post is not a documentary. For dramatic and narrative purposes, the post contains fictionalized scenes, composite and representative characters and dialogue, as well as time compression.)

The Path to Mickey

Mickey Mouse was a troubled rodent. He grew up in a home where he was neither wanted nor loved. His parents shunned Mickey simply because he wasn't like the other mice.



You see, Mickey wore pants. (He also sported horns, and his head had this nasty habit of rotating 360 while spewing green slime.)



Mickey's childhood rejection led to a troubled adolescence. He fell in with a bad crowd, where he and his like-minded mouse-friends chose all the wrong mentors. It was at this point in history that Mickey developed his profound dislike for Jews.



Jews were the cause of all the world's wars, Mickey believed. He also felt that Jews were unfit to hold public office, as they would "legislate sin." (Below, Mickey poses at a recent chi-chi Washington dinner with a Minnie impersonator.)



Mickey quickly rose in the ranks of infamy, and was a regular in the dictator cocktail circuit.



At the request of one of those dictators, Nikita Khrushchev, Mickey played a key role in the Kennedy assassination. He was quickly apprehended, and shot on sight, but contrary to popular belief, he survived and continued his life of crime and carnage.



Mickey's most infamous exploit was his role as co-hijacker of the airplane that crashed into the Pentagon on September 11. Below, Mickey is caught with the Bonnie to his Clyde exiting the security check at Dulles Airport the day of the attacks.



Still, Mickey had a soft side. Even when it felt like the world came crashing down around him, he always saved time for the children.



Mickey lied, people died.



Again, Mickey thwarted the pundits' expectations and survived September 11, only to return with a vengeance last Labor Day.