Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 9/22/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

What a shocker, Republicans in Congress abdicated their responsibility to, you know, act like a branch of the government. And after much squawking, gave into George Bush’s wish to endanger our soldiers by exposing them to torture at the hands of hostile regimes and terrorists. No way, not these guys!

When is the media going to stop believing that John McCain actually cares about anything other than hearing Hail to the Chief playing in the background while he fondles Jerry Falwell’s glutes and preens for the cameras?

And as for Democrats, will you please stop claiming McCain has integrity? Jeez, there was more chance that George Allen would belt out L’Shana Tova at Temple Emmanuel this year than McCain would actually stick to his guns (after all those guns must be ready for the troops he wants to send off to Iran in the next few months).

So now the standard for following the Geneva Conventions is “grave breaches.” We won’t maim, mutilate or rape. How very post-Enlightenment of us. Next thing you now we’ll be against using Ginsu knives to lop prisoners into chewable bites for Dick Cheney’s next power lunch.

Thankfully, we can still use waterboarding and extreme temperatures on terrorists. But if I read the bill correctly, sticking a burning hot poker up somebody’s ass is now verboten. So I’m thinking no Marsellus Wallace as our next Deputy Director of National Security.

What really gets me is how it is so hard sometimes to learn from experience. The message is simple. George Bush wants to sound tough because he can’t actually find Osama or and took us into a failed war in Iraq, based on lies, that has made us more vulnerable to attack.

When are you going to use extreme temperatures on Osama, George?

Oh right, never, because you passed on catching him in Tora Bora, later closed down the unit charged with locating him and now your friend Pervez is providing medical and dental to him and his buddies.

But hey, Big Tough Preppie has an Iron Maiden waiting for Osama if he ever happens to come forward and claim he was the one who killed JonBenet Ramsey.

Please my Democratic friends, it is not the economy, stupid. Yes, in certain very important districts in parts of Upstate New York and Ohio, to name a few examples, this is certainly a strong PART of the message. But the GOP failure on Iraq must be at the core of the critique, along with their failure to protect all aspects of our security, be it from terrorists, job-exporting GOP cronies or healthcare non-providers.

Punch a Republican hard enough in the gut, and he’ll puke up a golden calf. And this corruption doesn’t take place in a vacuum, but is making this country weaker militarily, economically and spiritually.

The GOP is like The Simpson Girls’ dad. They proclaim Christian values and want to control every aspect of your lives, but in the end they’ve turned this country into Ashlee’s jig on Saturday Night Live. Oh yeah, and they love talking about their daughters’ boobs.

So please my friendly Democratic legislators, no more putting faith in a man who gives speeches at a college founded by a guy who’s still out looking for the Jewish anti-Christ.

Could it be more obvious it’s George Allen?

To go to my embryonic blog and watch the YouTube of my MSNBC scolding of a Republican neanderthal last week, go here