Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 8/18/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

So I was contemplating trying a new ‘do this past week. I wasn’t altogether sure what I wanted, maybe a buzz or a spike of some sort. But then thankfully I was reminded of the ever-popular Macaca, which I am truly in debt to Senator George Felix Allen Jr. (I mean who doesn’t take style tips from Republicans?) for rescuing from its waning popularity outside of Pulaski, Tennessee and Stone Mountain, Georgia.

Yes, as most of you probably know, Senator Allen got "Lotted" this week for mistakenly showing the true face of the GOP. The one that created the Southern Strategy, polarizing the country for a generation over issues like affirmative action and busing. Most recently, these avatars of equality saw a mob of their members refuse to sign onto a resolution condemning lynching or agree to reauthorize the Voting Rights Act without delays, caveats and serious trepidation. Yeah, I know, those were tough votes where principled arguments could be made on either side.

Somewhere Strom Thurmond was smiling, if he wasn’t busy desegregating his private parts with those of a barely pubescent African-American girl he was “romancing” while on shore-leave from the seventh-circle of hell.

Allen, meanwhile, who has a history of hanging a noose in his office, wearing a Confederate Flag lapel and looking like the somewhat more retarded and inbred cousin of Luke Duke—or is that David Duke—twice referred to a South Asian-American staffer of his opponent Jim Webb as “Macaca.” Which wouldn’t be a problem, if it were not French racial slur for darker-skinned North Africans. And if his mother weren’t French-Tunisian. And if he didn’t speak French.

Which begs the question, why does George Allen hate America? Was an American racist expression not good enough for him? He had to go showing his fancy-pants elitist education while launching racial epithets?

Crepe-loving Communist.

Yet, his explanation is even more priceless. He apparently meant to make fun of the Webb staffer’s “Mohawk haircut,” and add in "caca" just for good measure. In other words, what the distinguished gentleman meant to call a 20-year-old not bothering him in any real way was a “sh*thead.” Now that’s class. I mean what kind of guy would do that?

It’s almost like he grew up beating and torturing his own siblings…oh, right.

I still also find it so amusing that the Republican Party, realizing they can no longer just win elections by appealing to their Yosemite Sam meets Monty Burns base, are apologizing for their racist strategy of the past few decades (see Ken Mehlman’s speech at the NAACP, which he made in between hitting some of the gayest—by which I mean liveliest and most exciting—clubs).

For Allen is not alone this week. We also have sociologist and athletic theorist, Tramm Hudson, running for Katherine Harris’s open House Seat. This Genus Lost Causus somehow found it necessary to add to his stirring public comments that "I grew up in Alabama, so I know that blacks are not the greatest swimmers or may not know how to swim.”

They were, however, quite adept at completing the work his lazy ancestors couldn’t fork-lift themselves off their lard-filled asses to engage in. Not to mention subsequently attempting to live peacefully beside people whose largest accomplishment is most often retaining a baker’s dozen of teeth and not planting their seed in their sister (apologies to progressives in Alabama).

I’m guessing Tramm probably figured out that African Americans couldn’t swim when he had those five hoses trained on flipperless marchers.

Also playing into the worst Southern stereotypes of black Americans, the NRSC has put up a site called fancyford (I don't link to garbage). It attacks Senate candidate, Harold Ford, in a manner that is quite reminiscent of the reactionary populism used in years past to fan the flames of resentment towards successful African Americans among less successful whites.

Check out this description of a Ford fundraiser from the site: "It's NBA All-Star Weekend and whether you're making the trip to Houston or not, this is a weekend for fun…Sheila Jackson Lee, U.S. Congressman Al Green and Texas State Senator Rodney Ellis. DJ Biz Markie will make sure everyone is having a good time."

Gee what do all of these people have in common…Wait it’s coming to me…Is it that none of them attended a party full of balding, corpulent, floppy old pale-asses, who sneer at democracy while alternating between sucking up Manhattans and sucking off the public teat while giving grandpa-style pony rides to the best hookers bribery can buy? Well, that and they’re black.

And then there is the NRSC supported Republican candidate in Connecticut, Joe Lieberman. Lieberman has personally smeared Maxine Waters, while his doltish campaign advisor, Dan Gerstein, has attacked Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson (no pattern here of course) even though in 2000 Lieberman was busy genuflecting before the racist Louis Farrakhan. But remember, the principled Lieberman is not race-bating with his current attacks, just as in 2000 he was not searching for votes with his Farrakhan-frenching. I mean c’mon, David Brooks says he’s principled.

Ok, still not convinced? Two words: Hurricane Katrina.

A special video edition of my weekly appearance covering Republican Sexcapades on The Young Turks can be found at http://youngturks.wmod.llnwd.net/a591/o1/8-17Schecter.wmv (If you want to know more about the "peculiarities" of Karl Rove and Jessica Simpson's dad, there's simply no other place to go...)