Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 8/04/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Well the dog days of August have begun with the heat-level rising slightly above deadly to a previously unreachable level: Logical Pat Robertson. Yes, the fire-and-brimstone preacher, for the first time pulling an idea out of an organ not located in the direct vicinity of his ass, has finally come up with the idea that the Earth may be "warming" a bit.

This is Pat Robertson. This is Pat Robertson's brain on the relative humidity of Sierra Leone. Got any questions?

But with the calendar change, we can also feel the fall campaigns beginning to heat up. Which means, assuming there isn't any more treason he can find a way to perpetrate, just to cement his place in history as a jerk with a 9.75 out of 10 on The Robespierre Scale, Karl Rove is busy finding ways to smear Democrats who had the courage to do crazy things, you know, like actually fight in wars they believe(d) in (or possibly didn't).

And nobody has made that sebum-stained, politburo-brained, globular forehead sweat more than one of the more honorable men currently serving in our mucked up political system. That would be Jack Murtha.

Rove hates Murtha because he everything that Rove isn't. He is well-liked and trusted by people who actually understand war and therefore, when he speaks, Rove knows much of what Murtha's saying is coming from non-political types at the Pentagon and the ranks of military men. Truth-tellers who realize what a disaster he and Cheney and David Brooks' weekend paintball-team partners have wrought in Iraq (yeah, Rove wasn't part of the planning, my ass). Murtha also has hair. And doesn't shed his skin four-to-eight times per-year.

So it seems Karl's reassembled the gang, including his old buddy and fellow slime-merchant Houston homebuilder Bob Perry (and what a wonderful job he's done with that breathtakingly beautiful urban Shangri-la) and the rest of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truthiness under the new banner "Vietnam Veterans for Truth," so they can try and lie their way to another political victory.

Sadly for them, however, Jack Murtha, who responded to attacks in the past on his patriotism by reminding us of "Karl Rove's fat backside sitting in an air-conditioned office in Washington and saying stay the course" (as disgusting as that thought is) isn't going to take it. And neither are the rest of us this time.

So if you six-fingered, mullet-topped, back-stabbing, corporate-harlots, led by lifetime-loser, Nixon-suck John O'Neill think you are going to take a stroll through the mud without getting caked this time yourself, you have another thing coming.

Shockingly the RNC is directly involved with a Web site (sorry, I will not link to trash, though I will go through it, Ken. "Inches"?) most likely put up by Little Kenny Mehlman, who's likely been cutting and running from his sexual orientation (whatever that may be) for the better part of his adult life. And nice try with your Paula-Jones-rerun lawsuit.

Sorry guys. Much like VH-1, I know you loved the 90s — with no AMERICAblog, no Stewart or Colbert, no Olbermann with some editorial control. No Air America and no Young Turks and no CREW. You had the playing field almost exclusively to yourself. In 2004, when you savaged Kerry, much of what I just listed was still not in existence, or just barely so.

But we're ready this time. And we'll be pouncing like Rush Limbaugh at an all-you-can-eat buffet of hillbilly-heroin mashed potatoes with Viagra-engorging gravy.

So, while a bit hackneyed, for lack of a better phrase: Bring it on.

(- Weekly Young Turks Appearance - Copy and Paste mms://youngturks.wmod.llnwd.net/a591/o1/8-3Cliff.wmv
- Joe Lieberman's Neocon Friends and Wacky Quotes)