Cliff's Corner

Note: I am doing a new weekly segment called Republican Sexcapades on the fun and funny Young Turks radio program every Thursday night from 8:05-8:20 EST on Sirius Satellite Radio. I'll include a link to windows media each week for those who don't get Sirius or want to watch anyhow. Click here for this week's epsiode.

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The Week That Was 7/21/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Just remember that every sperm is sacred. Or at least every embryonic stem cell that doesn’t belong to someone Arabic, Persian, Joe Wilson, North Korean, Hugo Chavez, one of John Fund’s girlfriends or anyone born more than five thousand years ago, you know, before the Earth was created.

Sam Brownback has apparently even decided to share his imaginary friends with us, the talking embryos. Or perhaps they’ve just mutated because of his party’s support of brown-fields, arsenic-laced water, mountain-top removal and pretty much every other plutocratic endeavor to turn your children’s backyard into Yucca Mountain while hiding behind the usual rhetorical amentia.

It’s called the Republican Culture of Corporate Life. And you better not even think of murdering that profit-margin, Commie!

I mean just because your air is filled with more crap than Bill Kristol’s pants when he’s shown reenactments of a battle in Karbala, doesn’t mean the Republicans aren’t darn serious about this respect for life stuff.

In Brownback’s case, his stirring presentation was only made possible because the GOP realized their initial choice, Idi Amin, is dead. But Brownback and 36 other dedicated Republican spermatozoonists were not about to let polls showing 80% of the public and 99.875% of those not worshipping at the altar of girdle-whipped, wack James Dobson stop them from putting on a show. So now with the exception of Lincoln Chafee, vulnerable Republican Senators from DeWine to Talent, Burns to Kyl, Ensign to Allen and Genghis to Kublai, have each put their theocratic signature on a debate more manufactured than Ralph Reed’s faith or Liddy Dole’s face. Have fun in the fall guys.

And how ironic that this ridiculous debate would occur right now. And I don’t mean in a George W. Bush “isn’t it ironic that I sweat when it’s hot” kinda way, but more in terms of how apropos it is that once again when danger is afoot “Yo Blair” was busy thinking about stem cells. Last time, he only ignored a document euphemistally named “Bin Laden determined to attack inside of U.S.” to come up with his patently mendacious position on this issue.

This time he watched as the fruits of his ham-handed, desultory, ranch-rat, “Russia is a really big place” diplomacy came to pass with North Korean missiles flying, Putin mocking him and the Middle East exploding into Newt Gingrich’s fourth fantasy wife, while he threatened and then used his first presidential veto on life-saving research Nancy Reagan, Orrin Hatch, Trent Lott and Bill Frist all support.

So if your family has a history of Alzheimer’s or Juvenile Diabetes you’ll want to be supporting Bush’s team in the November elections. Or if you’re getting up there in age. Or if you happened not to know that, like “China is really big too” and enjoy watching a 60 year old-man learn such edifying items on the world stage.

It’s enough to make you miss the days when his dad was puking on Japanese Finance Ministers and he was preparing to run for Governor of Texas so he could set the new standard for embryonic stem cells executed by lethal injection.