Cliff's Corner

NOTE: John and Joe have been doing a great job discussing the importance of the issue of privacy. At the risk of self-promotion, I wrote a piece for AlterNet back in January making the case for a Constitutional Amendment on this very issue—which could build a left/right coalition as it pertains not only to abortion rights, but gay rights, property rights, government spying and The Patriot Act, corporate data theft and sharing, Terry-Shiavo-type situations, etc. Please check it out if you get a chance. CS

The Week That Was 6/16/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Those Republicans sure are a heady bunch (and not just in a Newt Gingrich with the secretary kinda way). The same week they support amnesty for Iraqis who like to kill American soldiers and cheer the fact that the treason-committing, sebum-sweating, stay-puffed marshmallow man Karl Rove was not indicted for outing an agent monitoring real WMDs in Iran, they fancy a debate on their stirring strategy of turning Baghdad into downtown Mogadishu over the past three years. Another locale where Islamic extremists just took control by the way. Heckuva job Hydey!

They did get Musab Al Zarqawi, however. I know because I saw 429 pictures of his bloated, lifeless face this past week on the news (luckily Republicans have passed the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act, so I am sure we’ll be seeing no more of these types of images in the future—especially if a dead terrorist’s nipple peers out while being blown away).

Although, in fairness, some of those photos may have been of Representative John Sweeney after his fourth keg stand and fifth flaming Dr. Pepper at the nearest Alpha Delta Phi Chapter. And kudos to the administration for not even having to embark upon their fool-proof plan B if the air strikes failed to kill Zarqawi:

Sending in Representative Don Sherwood with spiked gloves, a dog-collar and actionable intelligence that Zarqawi was really his 29-year old mistress.

Now if only they could have done that three years ago when we had the Intel to kill Zarqawi, but didn’t, because we would have lost an excuse to engage in George Bush’s War on the War on Terrorism. But Our Pet Goat knew we had to fight them in Iraq so we don’t have to fight them in Somalia. Or Sudan. Or Afghanistan, Indonesia, Pakistan, Thailand, or pretty much anywhere else we’ve let Al Qaeda thrive and mutate by taking on a secular despot Donald Rumsfeld broke bread and hummus with back when Reagan was illegally providing arms to Iran. Who we may also now have to go to war with according to the Neos. These guys are nothing if not consistent at fucking up our foreign policy.

Quite simply, Republicans are to America’s national security what Bill Frist is to a stray Abyssinian.

So have your debate about your war “plans” to keep soldiers in Iraq while raising your own pay and cutting taxes for those contributors giving you the most lucrative reach around. And attack Democrats for “cutting and running” and being dangerous to put in charge of Iraq, as if you guys aren’t the Maginot Line of Iraq.

Just a few words of advice guys: If a big horsey is placed right outside the Green Zone, its probably best not to bring it in. And if you do encounter an uncensored image while accidentally turning to the BBC, try not to run screaming to the bathroom like Ann Coulter after accidentally ordering the three-ounce salad instead of the two. Finally, if you do go to Iraq and are really frightened, even though according to your descriptions of all the progress and beauty there it sounds a lot like Belize, just think of Ken Mehlman, and try and channel the intestinal fortitude that has allowed him to remain true to his principles of abstinence over these past 40 or so years.