Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 6/09/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

So this week we were once again reminded of what principle really unites the GOP in (Aryan) brotherhood. Hate. It doesn’t matter if it’s gay people, 9/11 widows or women and children who were inconvenient enough to block the path of oncoming bullets in Haditha. In today’s GOP, hate is to the body politic what ipecac is to Anne Coulter’s fetid Olive Oil frame.

Speaking of Lord/Lady Douche Bag, as always the left seems to be bound by a code of civility that left politics before impeachment, when dealing with this sunken-eyed Sisyphus forever pushing a boulder the size of that goiter in his/her throat up the peak of cerebral instability. Luckily I feel bound by no such shackles when discussing the brain-sharts of a cocktail-dress clad, bleached exoskeleton who keeps appearing on my TV to hawk books written in crayon—for guys who don pencil protectors and extra-fortified V-neck sweaters to support sending your kids to war.

Should we just feel sorry for this loutish tart whose books scream out to anyone who will listen what a wretched, lonely existence he/she lives when he/she has to share wet dreams in his/her “tomes” about a long-dead Republican whose name has become synonymous with limp-dick persecution? How about someone whose closest intimate relationship at the age of 45 has been to a chardonnay drip, a cold copy of God and Man at Yale and a burning-hot Impulse Hypersonic Bunny? No, I’m all out of feeling sorry. If he/she kept his/her dismal subsistence to himself/herself and left the rest of us alone that would be one thing. But apparently my television and newspaper have to serve as one big sofa for the hybrid gendered one. So I’m all out of compassion.

And to think that this is what supposedly heterosexual Republican men find physically attractive. No wonder they have to pass amendments attacking homosexuals, because to be a man and be attracted to Ann Coulter, somewhere in the recesses of your mind you’ve got to have lost any idea what gender sexually excites you. So better to make it all illegal, lest other people go about their business in private while you waste your time doing monthly rehab stints at Exodus International.

That is why Coulter was the perfect poster-child for GOP-hate-the-gays week. For just as this perpetually single, post-meal-toilet gripping SHE-RA attacks Democrats for being “girly-men” and women for being the “dumber” sex, not so ironically, it is the fidelity-challenged, hetero-maybe Republican men who lead the way on “protecting traditional marriage,” which to them would be between man and woman…and human growth hormone if you’re Governor of California. I wrote a profile of one of these hypocritical jackasses about a year and a half ago. And he isn’t even the worst of them.

Very simply, as historian Richard Hofstadter chronicled in his famous piece The Paranoid Style in American Politics, “the sexual freedom often attributed to the enemy, his lack of moral inhibition, his possession of especially effective techniques for fulfilling his desires, give exponents of the paranoid style an opportunity to project and express unacknowledgeable aspects of their own psychological concerns.”

Coulter and today’s GOP are self-loathing and sexually bewildered. It makes you wish they’d all just fuck Jeff Gannon and get it over with, so they could leave the rest of us alone.