Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 6.2.06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

So this week that collection of Mensa neocortexes at the Homeland Security Department — in between browsing senior prom signup sheets to find their next friend with benefits — have decided that they are going to allocate funds for our protection based upon familiar criteria to anyone even casually observing this profligate presidency over the past 5+ years. They have cut money granted to New York and Washington D.C. by 40% — where some event happened about five years ago, but I forget exactly what it was because Karl Rove so seldomly mentions it — while jacking up funds for such asset-rich terrain such as Topeka and Terre Haute.

Where GOP voters and Republican marionette legislators hail from would be the most accurate way to figure out the destination of government cash (although in Rick Santorum’s case you would think that would mean Northern Virginia). It correlates nicely with places where there’s enough brush to give our president a stiffy or allow our vice-president cover to shoot another man in the face. Hey, why shouldn’t national security take its rightful place right next to estate tax elimination and bridges to Ted Stevens’ reelection when it comes to its likelihood to be whored out to special interests by those tough-talking-bed wetters known as the Bush Administration.

And while this may not be the first time, with this most recent decision I think we can safely say the degree of stupidity at the DHS has ascended from Code Level Red to Mary Matalin.

I must admit this is a subject area I take quite personally. I grew up in New York and was unlucky enough to be working an election in lower Manhattan on 9/11. I have vivid memories of watching incredulously from a mile away as the second plane made contact. I live right outside of Washington D.C.

So when these putrescent blowhards who would sell out America’s ports, soldiers and Friday nights on Christopher Street with Ken Mehlman — all for political power and a trip to the Marianas — lay bare their pathetic record on homeland security and then plan to run on it in the 2006 midterms, I become as irate as Rush when the maid arrives 15 minutes late. Without all the lipids, excessive sudation and furious heaving of course.

Very simply put, again and again we are presented with the fact that Republicans running homeland security is much like David Duke doing an open mic night at the Apollo or Joe Lieberman being a Democrat.

Therefore, I would like to offer this humble bit of advice to Democratic candidates and consultants who may be reading: DON’T HIDE FROM THIS ISSUE AGAIN.

There were no WMDs, troops in Iraq don’t have enough armor, numerous generals have basically said that Donald Rumsfeld planning a war is like Tom Cruise becoming a psychiatrist, nuclear facilities remain vulnerable, Osama bin Laden’s sipping sherry at his summer time-share and lest we forget, there was that Oscar Madison response to Katrina.

And now funding has been drastically cut from the areas most likely to be attacked, which also just happens to be where such trivial things as the federal government and financial markets are headquartered.

Like with everything else, from riding bicycles to balancing budgets, this president is the ridiculously incompetent and corrupt jester that many of us predicted he would be six years ago from all available evidence. Now 34% of the public concurs that he is the worst president in 50 years (although adding 100 and going back to Buchanan would probably be more accurate).

So when Rove runs on national security this time, Democrats should have a simple, unapologetic response:

Bring It On