Cliff's Corner

NOTE: If you would like to check out my take on Homeland Security pedophiles when you're done reading, please go to The Huffington Post. And then come right back to AMERICAblog of course!!

The Week That Was 4/7/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

So Hot Tub Tommy finally decided to forsake his crumbling political career and pay more attention to whether he’ll soon have to trade in that Jacuzzi for a cold shower at Leavenworth with the soap crazy glued to his hand. I believe that warm and joyous feeling overtaking my body right now is Schadenfreude — but I do feel for used car salesmen, pimps and Chris Matthews who must all be flying their flags at half mast at the loss of their mother ship.

What does one say in defense of Mr. DeLay, he of the Paris Hilton mug shot poses and treating our Constitution like it was a tank-top-clad teenage girl lost in the Department of Homeland Security building after hours? Not much, if you’re a sentient being who’s been paying attention to this scumbag (take that New York Times crossword puzzlers) who’s defiled everything he’s touched during his career in Washington — most interestingly the very things conservatives are supposed to care about: tradition, virtue, Roy Blunt, the rule of law and golf courses throughout the world. Which he won’t apologize for enjoying during his downtime on our dime. And why should he after all? The preeminent Mr. DeLay’s worked hard at wrecking our democracy during the week. The least you could allow him on weekends is the front 9 at St. Andrews with funds earmarked for autistic kids.

Ok, so it might be accurate to say that Tom DeLay’s been to good government what Kevin Federline is to a mite-free epidermis and Clarence Thomas is to being black.

But look at how gracefully he exited the stage — except for his remaining nine months of “public service” during which time he can probably bring our nation’s finances, schools and healthcare system even closer to resembling Myanmar. In any case, Tom reminded us of the honor with which he served, exclaiming during his announcement of his impending retirement that “I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative, personal campaign.”

And if anyone knows about “stealing” and “negative, personal campaigns” it would be Tom. Mind you, this is a man who tried to impeach a President of The United States because he didn’t “like his worldview?” A man who resorted to bribery, extortion and money laundering to pass legislation and gain more power for his party. A man who threw parties where he loaned his daughter out to lobbyists so she could continue in the Hot Tub Tom tradition. And then there was that night with Scott McClellan’s soiled diapers at Mehlman’s place with the gerbils and that crate of Jim Beam. Ok, I might have exaggerated one of those examples.

In the end, however, we all know that as Tom says his persecution must be an intimate part of the War on Christians. Like gays wanting to march in St. Patrick’s Day Parades because they have the nerve to be Irish, these personal attacks by Democrats against a humble, Godly man must not be forgotten.

So good luck Tom. We look forward to Bill Frist joining you once his own little investigation is over. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could discover the joys of cell block 9 together? I smell a reality show!