Florida Rested Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 3/17/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

As regular readers are aware, I usually spend this hallowed space in Mr. Aravosis’ media empire pontificating about the comic personal failings of virtually every falafel-loving right-wing Republican. Fodder I do not lack, with Bill Bennett’s African-American obstetrics and Peggy Noonan pulsating like the Royal Mini-Mole every time George W. Bush puts on undergarments a bit tight on the sack.

But I must tell you that this week my disgust extends to this whole mess we dub representative government here in the swampy Potomac. Let’s start with the obvious. President Bush is at 33% in the new poll taken by The Pew Research Center, which puts him slightly above amoebic dysentery and just below Dick Cheney’s smile. Il Duce could have mustered more support while hanging in Piazza Loreto. Yet, my favorite part of the Pew survey is that when asked to use words to describe our very own Il Puké, those most often mentioned were “incompetent,” “idiot” and “liar.”

I guess they didn’t test douche bag.

So Russ Feingold, who is one of the most principled and consistent individuals to serve in the world’s most degenerative body (voted for Ashcroft as AG and Roberts for the Supreme Court mind you), actually had the courage to stand up for his convictions and propose something long overdue: a resolution to censure President Bush over his illegal domestic wiretapping program. And you know what, a majority of voters support Mr. Feingold’s position.

Yet, Democrats, and I know this is shocking, are running for the hills. This isn’t impeachment boys and girls. It is censure. We know that impeachment is only for Democrats who get blowjobs while Republican Speakers of the House are cheating on their second wife—the one they married after serving divorce papers to their cancer-stricken hospital-bound first wife—with a Capitol Hill Aide who needs to purchase two seats on Southwest. I don’t think I’d support impeachment, as unlike Ken Starr, Tom DeLay and The Gang, I have respect for democracy, and think that however much of a criminal Bush is, impeaching two Presidents in a row would be a dangerous precedent. Plus you’d just end up with a president who on Thanksgiving would take out the pardoned turkey with a Glock 9.

But Democrats can’t even stand up on censure? We have a videotape showing the man lied about Katrina. We have memos showing he lied about Iraq. He tried to put a woman on the Supreme Court who looks like a genetic splice of Mitch McConnell and a shitzu. And now he gets away with illegal wiretapping too?

And I am not even going to mention any role for so-called moderate Republicans here. Because Specter, Snowe, Warner and the rest of you “moderates” are such a disgrace to the tradition of Teddy Roosevelt, Nelson Rockefeller and Bob Michel that we’d all be better off if you just pulled your taints over your heads until further notice. Memo to Christie Todd Whitman: For once that walking exoskeletal goiter Ann Coulter got something right you “birdbrain.” It’s not your party anymore! Comprende? It's this guy's party.

But where are the Democrats? You know the party who fought to pass Social Security, Medicare and won two world wars? You want to read a book on where they are? Try reading my friend David Sirota’s excellent new tome Hostile Takeover, which will dismay you while providing an enlightening description of the problem.

So get ready to invade Iran with our Bonus Army any time our president has a particularly irritating bowel movement. And watch as these jokers on the right handover airport terminal security to Azerbaijan, keep blocking port-security funding and provide our troops with as much protection as Ken Mehlman at a party thrown by Max from the L Word. Because if they can’t stand with Feingold at this moment, I’m not really sure they’ll ever have the courage to stand up to a president who is making James Buchanan look like Abraham Lincoln.