Cliff's Corner

The Week That Was 3/3/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

This week The Failed One learned a lesson. It’s one he probably should have cribbed from daddy’s service as RNC Chairman during the days when another petulant, paranoid and permanently frightened president named Nixon was lording over a Republican criminal enterprise. Lying about things that are available on tape is kind of dumb. Like taking your pre-pubescent kid to the Neverland Ranch for a game of strip Duck Duck Goose kinda dumb.

Yes, President Bush lied…again. And he got caught…again. This time it’s the “we never could have anticipated the breaching of the levees” line, which sounded so much like the never anticipating an airplane crashing into a building monologue, you knew it had to be crap. I mean can’t these guys at least come up with creative mendacity to make it a bit more interesting? You know, like it’s the media who’s pretending there’s a civil war in Iraq or Ken Mehlman’s secluded dinner outing with David Dreier was to discuss the merits of the Laffer Curve?

Thus we found out from a videotape released by the AP this week that El Presidente, contrary to his previous claim, was fully briefed about the potential Katrina carnage well before it made landfall. According to the AP, “Bush didn't ask a single question during the final briefing before Katrina struck on Aug. 29, but he assured soon-to-be-battered state officials: ‘We are fully prepared.’” While that statement in itself should have been as suspect at Tom Cruise’s capacity to aid in Katie’s reproducing, I think we should just appreciate that during this particular crisis the president didn’t hop-scotch around the country, hiding in every corner he thought least likely to be demolished.

“He-he, Kansas, that sounds safe, he-he. We should be able to hide among the slaves there.”

Meanwhile, when it comes to the UAE Port scandal—oops, he did it again. President Bush, while pretending to wait 45 days for a review by the Senate, you know that human appendix to our Constitution, decided what the hell, he’s had personal business relations with these guys, so why not just lie and go forward with the transaction? What’s this crap about a representative Republic? And it’s not like “anybody could anticipate” a dirty-bomb attack coming via a falsely labeled shipment container in Miami.

Next I hear in a blockbuster deal we’re selling our police departments to the Crips, firehouses to Hezbollah and EMT units to Jack Kevorkian. White House Security meet your new Capo: John Hinckley. Hey, this president is a leader and unificator, so don’t you friggin question him! America Hater! Terrorist Lover! Will & Grace Watcher! Get on your knees like you’re Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter just whipped it out!

And really how could you question The Courageous One? At least 34%-38% of Americans approve of his performance. Which just goes to show you, one-third of Americans could support a flare-up of genital herpes if it self-identified as Republican and spent days with an Xbox in the Oval Office. Yet, Mr. Bush, it does mean a majority of people now think your anti-terrorism strategy is failing, your Medicare plan is as nasty as your mother and you've got such enormous boobs on your economic team that Pam Anderson’s getting envious.

It’s ok though. You needn't worry. Republicans in Congress have repeatedly shown after much false bravado, that they are very simply wimps. They won’t swear in witnesses, hold real hearings into treason or forcefully examine your lawbreaking Peeping Tom Act. They’re vestigial, like a whale’s legs, Tom Delay’s conscience or Bob Dole’s penis. I’m sure they’ll find some way to back off doing any oversight and once again cut and run from holding you accountable for any of your myriad transgressions against our Democracy.

NOTE: Cliff's Corner will be on hiatus next week, off to the warmer environs of Longboat Key, Florida. Will say hi to Katherine Harris (it's old runny face's district) and pass on vote-buying cash for anyone in need of electoral assistance.